Where's The Gratitude?

One of the most irksome clichés, is the phrase "someone has it worse."

An individual will complain/vent to another about themselves or circumstance(s).

In an attempt to uplift whomever is speaking, the person listening will say: someone has it worse/it could be worse. 

On a daily basis, people either tell this to themselves, or hear it from others.

Whenever I hear those words - it's drenched in egotism.

 I often ponder:

Why does it take comparison to someone else, or the worse case scenario to appreciate what you have? Why not embrace your struggles, accept flaws, evaluate every set back, love yourself & the life you were given.


Everything endured builds character, as it strengthens.
It doesn't break you. 

Understand: 

You were either born into a rigorous environment 

that was never in your hands to control.

Or your past deeds lead you to where you are today.

You're a voyager on a trail, your actions created.

If you're displeased or unhappy change direction.

 If you continue on the your path, 

glancing at the hardships of others to feel good about yourself.

You'll never grasp contentment. 

 

Be grateful to have awakened:

 Eradicate faulty perceptions....

Take each day as it comes 

Me, Myself & I

I purchased this journal June 12, 2002. Gazing at the cover provides a visual to a snippet I've written years prior.

"Lost in the prism 

Of emotions hieroglyphics
Overwhelmed by the mystic
Not knowing what is to become
Overwhelmed by sensations
Once vivid are benumbed
Blackness succumbed
Submerged my essence
Voids the serene presence
Born from it's death lives
A supreme being
In life can’t be seen in
Camouflaged
By the life I was given
I'm not seen
For my multiple dimensions
My external layer
Is all that is mentioned……."

© LaToya S. C.

Today, I'd replace the word emotions with thoughts. I am "Lost in the prism of thoughts hieroglyphics" Living is to decipher them. 

Earlier or should I say yesterday, I posted a poem/song (entry below this one). Various individuals assumed I was sad, which couldn't be further from my truth, but it's theirs. Which lead me to think - I can state a hundred positives, or ask a serious question & it'll be overlooked. Yet, a perceived negative draws others, like a moth to a flame. 

I live by the motto: If you live it, you have to claim it & that's exactly what I did. 

Granted, everyone isn't open about themselves/experiences. Or lack there of. To me, it is wasted energy pretending to be something your not. No one is above demoralizing qualities. Nor is anyone on earth one way all the time - having a multitude of haters (no one but the person being hated upon sees). But if that's your facade, by all means stick to it.

The pendulum swings

The scales are unleveled

Different sensations are immersed in a days course 

The ability to think, feel & articulate oneself 

Equate balance

Whether I'm writing/conversing about perception, 
Dr. Laura's rant, music, books,prop 8, poetry, a movie, etc.
Is within my prism of thought(s). 
To see a written expression derived from self - a memory or words spoken. 

 Isn't the totality of anyone.

Enclosing, how I began - a snippet I've written years prior.

"Blinded

Those who lack ability

To properly see

Seeing

Those who lack insight

In what and not to believe

Seeing makes blinded retrieve

As these words mean nothing

Glanced by a pupil

To a world

With a cataract's gleam." 

© LaToya S. C.

She's Like - A Caged Bird

 Unadulterated expression: 

Moments ago,

your voice emitted through my speakers.

  While listening to your words, a dull ache entranced my being.  

Countless memories blurred my vision, as they swirled in my mind. 

Caged Bird

Mmm, mmm

Right now I feel like a bird

Caged Without a key

Everyone comes to stare at me

With so much joy and revelry

They don’t know how I feel inside

Through my smile I cry

They don’t know what they’re doin’ to me

Keepin’ me from flyin’

That’s why I say that I know

Why the caged bird sings

Only joy comes from song

She’s so rare and beautiful to others

Why not just set her free?

So she can fly, fly, fly

Spreading’ her wings and her song

Let her fly, fly, fly

For the whole world to see

Mmm, mmm

Hey, hey

Mmm, mmm

She’s like a caged bird

Fly, Fly

Ohh, just let her fly

Just let her fly, just let her fly

Spread wings, Spread beauty

   ~*Alicia Keys

 I wrote a poem entitled "To Be A Bird"  when I was eighteen years old.

  

To Be A Bird

I’ve always wanted
To be a bird
So I could be free
Rise above the world
Nothing can touch me

Soaring over all
As I rise

Fleeing the world
And its lies
Feeling the wind
In the beautiful sky

As I rise
Fleeing temptation
And despair
Feeling the clouds
As the world disappears

Everything
Will be left behind
No longer
Will I have reason to cry

As I fly

I am free

 

Rising above all
Untouched by all worries
I’m unable to fall

© LaToya S. C.

Author's Comments

I was deeply saddened when I wrote this poem. I was listening to R. Kelly's I believe I can fly on the radio. I lost my ability to run, when I was 15 years old. Running was my freedom. Every time I ran, I felt as if I was flying. Hearing that song and the emotions I felt within produced this poem... This poem is also the reason why I fell in love with Alicia Keys. When I first heard her song "Caged Bird" I started to cry, If my poem was a song it would be "Caged Bird".... I feel the words of that song as if I wrote it myself. As if she went into the very essence of my being, and expressed everything I wish people could understand.

 I wrote "To Be A Bird" 12 years ago, and first heard "Caged Bird" by Alicia Keys, 9 years ago.

  

At times I feel as if, various components in my life have evaporated.  Leaving no evidence it was real, except in my mind.

I’m left with memories that cannot be touched, yet are felt.  Moments I can no longer embrace, yet wraps around me in understanding.

It’s amazing how a certain word, phrase, season, fragrance or song can transform everything around me. Reverting the hands of time; resurfacing my past.

Within the recesses of my mind; a seemingly forgotten existence, is sheltered..

 **********

Expressing my thoughts on paper

Unforeseen

Seeds of my evolution

Planted every day I wake up and breathe

I look in the mirror at a reflection

No one else sees…..

 The Iris of my pupil deems:

 To not know the answer to something makes me vulnerable to myself. 

 Lost in a whirlwind of temporary emotions, that cannot comfort me or talk back.

Simply felt

I yearn for what no other human can give me

I have what no one can take away from me...

As I yearn, searching from my freedom

Reading, writing, learning, observing, forever thinking…..

 Gives me wings.

Writing is my clarity.... giving me flight as I soar within. 

These words 

Are one of my many feathers. 

I

Lessons Through Others

At times when I’m having difficulty expressing remembrance, I start:

In the middle……

One by one, our guests entered the dining area, to record a segment for the show. We were at a shelter interviewing several occupants, during the process of their intervention. Per our request, they stated their name, age, ethnicity & drug of choice.

As they spoke, the answers we received varied. Some used a particular drug, while other’s graduated from one substance to something stronger.


The commonalities the responses shared, was trying to obtain the orgasmic euphoria of their 1st high; which always seemed to elude them. Or momentarily numbing oneself to reality; leading to higher dosages.




From that day, a specific story touched me deeply. It was the story of a woman, who got strung out on crack cocaine at the age of 45. I remember thinking; she’s a little long in the tooth to be peer pressured. Who in their right mind tries crack of all drugs so late in life?


As her story progressed she told us she was a former Nurse. I automatically turned my nose up saying to myself, if anyone knows the detrimental side effects of drugs, is a healthcare professional. Now look at her: throwing a woe is me pity party, she should have known better! Two minutes into her story, I deemed her all types of stupid & the dumbest Nurse I’ve had the displeasure of meeting.


When she finally explained the 1st time she got high & why….. was breathtaking.


She rehashed the stress of her job & life: double shifts at the hospital, a mother to 3 boys, catering to a husband, and insufficient rest. The haunting way she described her fatigue captivated everyone’s attention. She told us, one night during overtime, she went into a hall closet in hopes to take a much needed nap. Inside the closet she found a fellow co-worker smoking crack.


She described her initial shock and attempt to flee. She said her co-worker pulled her by the arm and said try some, I do it all the time. She stated what she remembers most about that night was her co-worker holding up a crack pipe telling her, “This right here, is what gets me through all these hours.”


Those words intrigued her tiredness, urging her to try. She said before inhaling she rationalized if her co-worker did it, it couldn’t be that bad. She said her co-worker was always energized & carried out their duties without difficulty.To this 45 year old woman, the offering of crack was viewed as a solution. So she breathe it in…..


She went on to describe her first high to us. Instead of energy she obtained a sense of calm that evaporated her many stresses. That calm got her through the night and home to her children & spouse. At home in bed with her husband, she explained her craving and a strong desire to smoke again.


Unlike her co-worker, she was strung out in a matter of months.


Getting high started to affect her performance at work & her hours were reduced. Due to her pay cut she started stealing hospital supplies to purchase crack. Eventually she was caught and terminated. With no income of her own, she started selling items from her house & stealing from family members.

The more detailed her story became; she started rocking back & forth as if in a trance. Telling us:


I lost my job. My husband divorced me & got sole custody of our children. Do you know they won’t allow me to see my boys? My own children. My babies …

WHY?!?!?! Few Will Comprehend The Answer

I Posted This Blog Last Year & Took It Down.... I Believe It's About That Time For A

Recap

In life people rather hear a pretty lie than the ugly truth. Being the person I am, I

will give you the ugly truth over a pretty lie ALL DAY EVERY DAY!! I've never

been one to sugar coat anything, nor pretend to be something that I'm not. So

here's some honesty for that ASS (Smile)

Sidebar: If I've ever loved you, hated you,

mistreated you, gave you advice, betrayed your trust, cherished you, argued with you, talked

behind your back, never told your secrets, lied in your face, told you what you

did/didn't want to hear, apologized to you, made you

think, forgave you for your wrong doings, held onto a grudge, made you happy,

made you cry, thought you were a liar, been there for you, used you, listened

to you, manipulated you, cared about you, lied to or for you, remembered your

likes and dislikes, forgot what you once told me, cursed you out, hugged you,

been violent towards you, made you smile, gave to you when I didn't have, kept

you in or cut you off because you no longer served a purpose in my life. I do

and will continue to do all of the below, WHY??!!.. Because just like everyone

else in life.... I CAN!

A real person can openly admit what they are. As the fake hide behind the facade of being above

demoralizing qualities everyone else in life possess. There isn't anything in

life THAT PERFECT... so PLEASE quit lying to yourself.

WHY!!!???


In life we often try to figure out "why" a person does something. Searching for their reason. More times
than not, there is no rhyme or reason.

People do what they do because: THEY CAN


Stop searching for the WHY to everything in life that doesn't go in YOUR favor.


It's not always about you
It's not about hurting you
It's not about using you
It's not about lying to you

It's not that there's something allowing or stopping them from doing what they do, They do it because....Come on everybody say it with me.. they do
it......

BECAUSE THEY CAN!

WHY did so and so do this to me.. WHY this WHY that.

Do yourself a favor: CLIMB OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE.

In case you didn't know the world doesn't revolve around you...
the people you have in your life aren't there to cater to your feelings

Everyone, has people in their lives that will do things whether:

it hurts your feelings,
makes you happy,
makes you cry,
makes you angry,
makes you smile
gets you upset,
brings you joy

Some can:

Lie to you,
Cheat on you
Steal from you
Be Truthful/Deceitful towards you

Some Will:

Manipulate you
Take you for granted
Know your weakness and use it against you


Some Can/Will:

Love everything about you
Be there for you no matter what
Know what's important to and about you
Give to you when you don't have
Listen as you vent
Pick you up when you fall
Or Let you fall to learn your own lesson..... because.. THEY CAN

Not that they are obligated, owe you something, or returning a favor.
Not that they like you.. dislike you.. love you.. or hate you

Everything a person chooses to do or chooses not to do they do because: THEY CAN

How can YOU ask why this.. why that, when YOU KNOW a lot of things you did in your life, You did BECAUSE
YOU CAN

As YOU DID what you wanted to do because YOU CAN. There was no catering to anyone's feelings, no thinking of who it would hurt, No explaining,
it was done because... YOU CAN


That is truth in all it's simplicity... I broke it down as simply as I could.. If you still don't get
it..... you probably never will... As you will continue to let the WHYS? of the
world consume your life instead of living it.


Without a doubt I ponder over WHYS in my own life.. questioning is apart of human nature. In the
meantime if I am perceived as "mean" "cruel" "judgmental" and "Cold Hearted" by
others, I know they think what they think about me because THEY
CAN...



Everyday I awaken, I don't live my life to please others, as I know people don't live to
please me...


If you're feeling some type of way after reading this blog: