Excessive Force - The Body Keeps The Score

The photograph below 

is indicative to a specific serinity 

I wanted to be engulfed by

After being on the receiving end

of unwarranted 

excessive force 

Monday - January 6, 2020 - 3:50pm

Aum Shanti Bookshop

New York, New York

Despite

how open, peaceful and loving you attempt to be people can only meet you, as deeply as they've met themselves.

Tuesday - January 7, 2020 - 1:46am

MTA NYCT - 86th Street

Brooklyn, New York 

At this moment, as I write these words

 I still cannot gauge if I was being unrealistic towards myself

in regards to what transpired

Or walking around benumbed 

in a state of shock

Making myself believe it was okay to go to work 

Accustomed to pretending 

all was 

well

Albeit my attempt to hide pain

the sight of my appearance 

and the inability to move about normally

couldn't be concealed 

When asked:

Are you 

okay?

I didn't have the strength 

to fight the conditioning of

making up a fable - offering an excuse

Truth

was embraced 

instead of a lie 

To protect another's misdeeds

The look on the faces of my coworkers 

As I rehashed being body slammed to the ground

in the presence of bystanders 

Who used 

their cellphones 

to record manhandling 

was followed by glances of concern

When asked/told:

why didn't you go to the hospital?

You shouldn't be here right now!

I tried to assure 

what I deem to be 

prying eyes 

Making me feel uncomfortable 

under their gaze,

that I was fine

 My sentiments 

weren't reciprocated

and I was told to sit down and relax...

It's unfortunate 

when one endures a lifetime of abuse

being ignored is preferred as opposed to attention

 Not used to individuals taking notice

I sat thinking 

of a premeditated explanation 

Just in case tomorrow 

if asked AGAIN

I would have a better prepared response

I kept my 

"I'm Okay" -"I'm Fine"

charade going for about 
2 weeks 

Until my body took over and said:

 NO

YOU ARE NOT 

OKAY or FINE! 

My body shut down on me 

and I had to take the same amount of time to recuperate

as I did presenting all to be well. 

2 weeks

January 27, 2020

I reenacted the scene of excessive force

to heal myself/rewire my body. 

In order to overcome
trauma/pain 
One must return 

To the place that caused it.

First, I walked over to the wall I was sitting up against 

to charge my cellphone

as I sat on the ground. 

I was told to get up & move elsewhere.   

Next, I waked over to the the area of the ground 

in which excessive force was used 

unnecessarily.  

I placed my hand on the ground I was slammed down against 

& heard myself being yelled at in my mind: get up!

How is it possible to get up off the ground 

with your hands behind your back

as you're literally behind shoved into it?

As the scene escalated

I envisioned the circle that was formed around my body 

as I lay faced down on the ground 

to prevent bystanders from recording 

what occurred  in their presence. 

Last, but certainly not least  (this tactic was used

 to embed humiliation/shame inside of me, 

as if I were a disobedient child placed on time out). 

I faced the triangular corner in the elevator

I was made to stand in with my hands behind my back

in overly tightened handcuffs 

slicing into my skin.

The aforementioned 
was action taken

in real space and time

An intangible visualization 
via photography

to show me my experiences are real

And let no one 
rewrite or diminish 

what transpired

In a passage above I wrote

I was conditioned through years off abuse

to conceal my own pain

To heal effectively 

one has to put in 
various forms of 

Effort 

Towards 
The

reclaiming of:

Mind/Body/Spirit

From thieves 

of life 

and joy

Granting
internal
liberation

© LaToya S. C.

American 

You Need 
A 
Miracle

Beyond Spiritual

I Need A 
Realer
View

I Hold A
Mirror To
It

These Ain't New 
Problems
They Just Old Ways...

Never Be 

A Victim Of Life;

Be It's Conqueror. 

Close Their Eyes

Mama, some people 

look like 

they're in the best of health. 

When they start dying it takes them years and years.

  

I once knew a Japanese guy. 

He use to work with me. He told me that, in Japan, 

they don't believe that people die of old age or a natural death.

They believe that they just get tired-a- livin', Mama. 

When they start 

feeling useless, 

they just close their eyes... 

  

I think Tony was beginnin' to feel as though 

he wasn't doin' anything, Mama,

 and he was kind of closin' his eyes for a long time.

 You know, tryin' to fight that useless feelin'. 

I don't think he died all of a sudden. 

Young people don't die 

that easy, Mama.

Or Maybe

Your Life
Was Just That Crazy

&

You Was

Begging for

Death

Environments of society
Adolescence
Foresees

Black Girl Lost

Alongside a 

Manchild in the promised land

 Formidable Seeds

All mother's  - can't reach
No father  - can teach

The clutches of frienship
Among
Premature infatuation

Bereaves
In it's
Inception

The test-tube
Of
Youth

Not knowing what to question

Living Out
Manifest
Destiny

Heavenly - Misdirection
Sets Them
Free

Given Their Wings
At
Birth

Instead of flying
Got lost
Trying

 To
Stay
Afloat

Trying to fight
That useless
Feeling

The Gift
&
The Curse

Eyes
Wide
Shut

Open - Closed

© LaToya S. C. 

Life
Music & Literature
To Me

Will Forever Be

Interconnected

Mastery of choices

Which are you?

Are you what you have done

Or what you'd like to believe that you would not do

But have done.

You are what you do

And what you do frequently

Is coming from your conditioned self.

With all the best intentions

And with all the best input

People frequently make very poor choices

And then master that choice

Because at some point 

It worked for them.

When you lie and get away with it

It works

When you steal and get away with it

It works

I never find people

Who just 

Lie once

Steal once

Betray once

It becomes a pattern...

Actions

Speak Louder Than Words

And They Say: 

I Don't Care 

Her: You'd rather I be demure

Him: I'd rather you be rational 

Her: Meaning what? 

that I say noting about what I see

What I hear? 

Him: what have you heard?

Her: that you are capable of anything..

Him: Well, if you didn't tell me about it 

it couldn't have been very upsetting

Her: It made me sick to my stomach

This whole arrangement 

Him: What arrangement? 

Her: That I am to accept what you tell me

and ask nothing more

That I aid you in the business you conduct

and pretend I don't know what that business is

Him: I don't recall you ever saying no

to anything I put in front of you.

You make a little noise every now and then

to remind me what a good person you are

But a good person 

wouldn't be here right now.

What isn't acknowledged 

Be it 

The relationship(s)

A person is in

 Family members, friends & acquaintances 

The majority of one's time 

Is spent

Reflects

 By 

Mirroring 

Aspects 

Of the 

Self 

Nothing 

Is hidden 

Or concealed 

Pay Attention!

Not only 

To the company 

You keep

But how they choose 

To communicate with you

About you. 

Are you what you think you are?

Or

Oblivious to the pattern

Of mastering

Poor choices?  

I used the song above

 to illustrate a point 

lyrically through sound. 

Many believe themselves to be "good" 

for keeping the object of their affection secrets 

Or playing along with a specific agenda 

Believing 

It is synonymous 

With loyalty

When in essence

 It lacks 

Integrity 

If there ever comes a time

when a lack of personal merit 

begins to weigh said individual down

They are quickly reminded:

It isn't possible 

To be immersed in anything

that isn't already deeply embedded in their own character. 

I'll end 

How I 

Began

Which are you?

Are you what you have done

Or what you'd like to believe that you would not do

But have done.

Do The Knowledge 

✌🏾

© LaToya S. C. 

Chameleons of camouflage

No two people get the same version of a particular individual. 

Compartmentalization... 

pieces 

of a whole. 

Example: 

a man can raise

 two girls.

One is his biological daughter the other isn't. 

With one he is extremely abusive towards.
The other he never laid a finger on 

and gave everything to.

 By asking these two daughter's 

a question about the same man, 

you will receive 2 different answers. 

Both of them 

would be correct 

in their assessment. 

Depending on the listener, 

they will either believe both siblings

 or pick one over the other. 

Doesn't make the recollection 

of the depiction of said father
less truthful.

As already stated: 

No two people get the same version of a particular individual.

 To understand this aspect

is to know 

it is applicable to all. 

Can we be loving to some, and monstrosities to others? 

Or be loving to the majority 

and a selective few receive the wrath 

that is carefully concealed. 

Due to compartmentalization and what aspects of the self is shown to others, 

outsiders are constantly at odds with their 'opinions' 

of who is who. 

Chameleons of camouflage

Blending in with the environment 

or dress the part as if you belong somewhere 

you aren't supposed to be.


These different trajectories of a singular individual
can cause chaos
 among others.

Attempting to solidify
the relevance of information
believed to be resourceful 

This photo is tangible to the daughter of abuse.

As it marks the date she was no longer on the receiving end of pain by the man who raised her.


At 23 years old
mustering up the courage to ask:
why do you hit me & not your other children?

And hearing the response:
Because you look like your mother!
followed by a shocked expression at their own concealed rage.


Sometimes it takes someones voice to emit out of their mouths
 for them to realize
the damage they caused.

They say:
The best apology is changed behavior,
yet the scars remain.

A few hours ago I was angered & had to ask myself:
What is beneath what you're feeling
it's more than the surface.

My life as it is now
as painful as it is
is healing a younger version of

Self.

Everybody on your path
is a servant 
to your higher & best self

There's POWER
in the
deficit! 

Part 2: The Power Of Moments 🧬

When I want to study/learn, I disconnect myself from all distractions ensuring I am focused on the material of my choosing.  

Upon reconnecting to the outside world via the internet at 7:44pm 🤯 I heard what I read a few hours earlier emitting out of the mouth of a YouTuber I was told about less than 24 hours ago. 

 Video: Oneness Vs Individual consciousness (Young Pharoh)

 Learning Material/Book 📖 Sacred Geometry :

 7.23
is the wavelength of our universe, this 3rd dimension.
As you go up into dimensional levels,
the wavelength gets shorter and shorter, with higher and higher energy... 

Just as with a piano, there's spaces between the notes, so that when you hit one note, there's a very definite place where the next note is. 

 In this waveform universe we exist in, there is a very definite place where the next dimensional level exists... 

Why I scrolled down & selected a specific video
bypassing more than twenty, just to hear words previously read
come out of someone else's mouth = intangibles

 The aforementioned occurred within 3 minutes of watching said Youtuber

I hit the ⏸ button
and have yet to listen to the rest of what he's saying because I was instantly amazed!
A jolt of energy went into me and gave me goosebumps.

 I don't think it's possible to process information
while your entire body is undergoing
 a specific sensation.

 I just had unbearable cramps and they literally stopped hurting 🤯
my body is
awe inspired.

 My interest is beyond piqued
as to why specific individuals can pass off information
with the uncanny ability to coincide with what I am already immersed in
 on my own accord.

Synchronicity
 The power of moments
 or manifestation. 

Elevate It
Tap Into
Your Directions...

From Your Root

To Your
Crown

Let Your Center

Shine Bright

And Reflect The Light

 G.od U.niverse N ature 7️⃣🌌🦅.

The Power Of Moments 🧬

I don't know whether to categorize what I just experienced as "the power of moments"... synchronicity, manifestation or speaking something into existence.

My entire body has been in extreme discomfort
awaiting my menstrual cycle
to begin.

I calculated/counted how many days
it was running behind schedule
& googled what I was experiencing

I laughed to myself and labeled google a hypochondriac
because attempting to 'research' what one feels will have you believing
or rather entertaining the worst case scenario

I swear fo GAWD
within 10-15 minutes, as I was sweeping the living room floor
I noticed the blind for the balcony door was haphazard
so I reached up behind the curtains to take it down and fix it

As I rolled the blind neatly back into place
and reached upwards to put it back in place
I felt a warmth leave out of my body and froze.

An inward sensation of noooo way!

I knew my menstrual cycle had literally just begun
but went to the bathroom to double check
if my eyes saw what I felt with my body.

Interestingly, what I googled moments earlier
presented itself in real space & time
eliminating any suggestions of
something being "wrong".

I had to capture this moment via writing
to have a documented recollection of today
so when the future me goes back to read it
there is a point of reference signifying:

🎶.. Everything Will Manifest Because I Wrote It... 🎶

Whether it is with a pen & pad
or an electronic device
words have the power to take form

Instantaneously
at that!

https://www.amandalinettemeder.com/blog/menstrual-cycle-changes-with-spiritual-gifts

The average monthly cycle is between 21 to 35 days, 
where the average lunar month is 29.53 days.


 Your monthly cycle naturally ebbs and flows in an episodic nature. 
As you grow spiritually, your cycle only further syncs itself to become more connected 
to the earth’s cycle. 


 Your cycle may match itself and align with a cycle of the moon, 
and as this does, it can heighten 
your intuition on peak days. 

 Through your observations, 
you may find your intuitive abilities changing 
depending on when you ovulate or menstruate. 


When your cycle is in alignment with the moon, there are two types of moon-synced cycles. 

 Both serve different purposes 
for the different seasons of a woman’s life and enhance intuition. 


 The Red Moon Cycle 
is typically associated with women who are 
more using their feminine energy in a creator fashion.  

 Usually, you'll sync this way if you are focusing on working with your gifts
 to create magic, art, or to build your career, 
birthing something like a project.  


 The White Moon Cycle 
is typically associated with women in their childbearing years; women who are having or wanting to have children, or women already have children. 

 As you might imagine, 
the cycle your body aligns with either the Red or the White Cycle 
will change throughout your lifetime as you move through various phases. 


 Think of it like a pendulum swinging back and forth.  

 There are times 
and seasons for each type of cycle 
syncing.  

 If you notice your cycle changing length to match one of these patterns, 
it’s good news - it’s a sign that even your body is becoming 
more intuitive.

My

God

Body

P.ositive E.nergy A.ctivates C.onstant E.levation 

Planted Seeds - breed weeds

Cleats

Downward spiral

Bended - without wounded knees

Dirt beneath 

More than

Just their feet

🎶..Sold my soul to the devil, cause the price was cheap.. 🎶

Reeks

Out of their 

Aura 

Blood sport

Another's 

Perceived torture 

Counteracted 

Self inflicted - Trojan Horse

Disorderly 

Conduct 

Monarchy

Wolves - Sheeple

Sharks

Illusionary attacks

Appararus

Odd's stacked against 

One

Two

Three 

Cleats

Downward Spiral

Bended - Without wounded knees 

Just their feet

More than dirt

That's beneath

Cheapened price galore

The

Son of the morning 

Mourning 

Orifice 

Seclusion Rifts 

Sandcastles

Paper planes

Impeccably ordained 

Black Dot

Sparks

The backdrop 

Universal Landmarks

Law 

Abided Principles

Ma'at

© LaToya S. C.