Monday, May 28, 2018

Oversaturation




In life
we're either blindly optimistic
or bitterly pessimistic.

Assumptions without facts
And interchangeable emotions -  will leave one
 on either side of the spectrum.

Taking on something that requires
intense commitment
is the equivalent of jumping into a new relationship without properly healing
from certain damages.

You can be so caught up in the moment,
feel an indescribable high from starting something "new"
you are unrealistic
nor see the detriment - of not remembering;

You must crawl before you walk.

Gradually 
Move 
Forward

My plate was over flowing with various issues
and I added something new on top of it, assuming
it would be appetizing....

NO, STILL SLOP!

Cannot 
Place a rosebud on a pile of shit, 
it's still shitty underneath. 

You have to rid your self of certain elements 
 to start anew and plant your seed into the ground by 1st digging up the weeds....





What You Know About
Sacrificing
All Your Wants For All Your Needs???





Your burdens are perfectly measured
and gifted to you
according to your resistance.

No one rises above
who he or she has been
without first having fallen down. 

The best time - in fact, the only time
to make a real change in your life 
is in the moment of seeing a need for it. 

S/he who hesitates always gets lost
in the hundred reasons why tomorrow
is a better day to get started.

The bars on our cage are of our own making
Nothing in the universe can stop you
from letting go and starting over.... 




As I've grown older, I became more self conscious. 


Where I once elated to share my thoughts with others, manifested into not wanting outsiders
 to know aspects of what I am.

It has crippled me in a sense.

The overabundance of social media,
cheapened
better yet - tainted various forms of expression.

 It became a mockery 
or happenstance for anyone with a smartphone - the era of just because.

Gone was the desire/inspiration, 
replaced 
with a caricature of the sameness.


How many

 portray a false sense of perfection for onlookers to idolize...


Sunken into the abyss of the
Oversaturation 
of 

Nothingness...

"The art of living 
Does not consist in preserving and clinging 
To a particular mood of happiness, 
But in allowing happiness to change its form 
Without being disappointed by the change; 
For happiness like a child 
Must be allowed to grow up" 

~* Charles Langbridge Morgan 



Sunday, June 30, 2013

Dearest Sister



For as long as I can remember
Whenever endurance is ineffable 
Comprehension always comes
In the form of a quote. 

A few hours after waking up 
The following words
Ricocheted through  my mind.


"One of the hardest things in life
Is having words in your heart
You can't utter"


For countless individuals
Dealing with the death of a loved one 
Is unbearable, due to finality.

For me, knowing an individual is alive 
And you cannot see or speak with them
Is the greatest pain. 


The following poem is an expression of said turmoil.



Until We Meet Again... (Dedicated To My Older Sister)
Written: January 15, 2007

Aside From Our Mother 
You Were My Love In Life
As I Look Back Laughing
Remember
The Battles We Had With
GI-Joe, Wrestling Men & Transformers
Are The Toys We Played With 
Before Mom Had Our Little Brother


Remember 
Playing She-Ra & He-Man
Running Around The House Fighting
Skeletor & Other Imaginary Foes
As You Let Me Be Cheetara
Whenever We Played
Thunder, 
Thunder, 
Thunder Cats… HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 


Remember 
Playing General Hospital 
And All My Children
With Our Barbie's…..
When We Grew Tired Of That
We Played School & Dress Up 
With Our Beloved
Cabbage Patch Kid
s

Remember
Our Scrapped Up Kn
ees, 
And Endless 
Lay Down On The Bed "Kick Fights"
Singing Along To 
Punky Brewster
Care Bares
Alvin & The Chipmunks
The Jefferson's &
GOOD TIMES!!!


As We Rushed Home From School To Watch
Woody Wood Pecker, 
Different Strokes And
The Facts Of Life


Remember 
Whenever Mom Told Us 
We Were Going To A Party
We'd Sit By The Radio
Recording All The Songs We Liked
We Would Practice In Our Room For Hours
Making Up Dances
Was The Joy 
We Lived By


Abruptly 
All The Above Went Away
When I Was in The 5th Grade 
You Left Me
You Were My First Heartache


Every time I Played A Game
Watched TV, Danced
Or Listened To The Radio
 
You Were No Longer Beside Me….


Now When I Played 
Thundercats
I No Longer Heard
Your Echoed 
Hooooooooo's
Without You 
I Felt Out Of Place,
I Didn't Know Where 
I Belonged 


If I Saw You Today
There Aren't Any Words 
That Can Describe How I'd Feel
As I'd Take The Chance 
To Unmask My Pain
And Reveal Everything 
I Would Never Verbalize
I'd Always Yield 


I Tried 
But Could Never Apologize,
Whenever I Saw You
Inwardly My Pain 
Confused You As
"Leaving Me"


When In Reality 
You Were A Child
Who Believed
The Mockery Of A "Fathers" Words
As They Shattered 
Your Adolescent Heart
Causing The Rift Between Us….
Forever Scarred 


So Many Years 
Have Passed Us By
So Many Things 
We've Never Gotten To do
As I Remember
You Were My Goddess
I Wanted To Walk, Talk, Dress 
And Be Like Everything 
That Embodied You



It Took Me Having My Son

To Understand
Searching For Certain "Why's?"
Is Wasted Time
People Are Who They Chose To Be
Until The Day Of Their Demise


As A Mother 
I Cannot Fathom 
Nor Am I Able To Rationalize
Why A Father Chooses Not To Partake
In Their Child's Life
As They May, One Day
Come Along With Empty Promises
Causing An Innocent Child
Irreversible Strife


But Don't Worry
My Dear Sister
If We're Ever Together 
And Come Across 
The Bastard
We Can Poke Out 
His Mother Fu*king Eyes.. 
 

What!!!!
You Know I Had To Throw In Some 
"LaToya" Humor… 
Otherwise
It Just Wouldn't Be Right 


Even If 
That Didn't Make You Laugh
This Is My Attempt 
To Apologize


As I Patiently Await The Day
To See You
I Truly Wish
I Knew When…..


"NOTHING BUT DEATH CAN KEEP ME FROM IT"


"The Color Purple's" -Nettie & Celie

I Love You

Until We Meet Again……


© LaToya S. C.







As I sit here drying tears from my eyes
I'm filled with sadness, knowing
A poem I wrote 6+ years ago, has the same meaning today. 


As time accumulates 
I become more fearful
Being in your presence, will not come to pass.  


Yet and still, I yearn for the moment
I'll be able to read these words 
To you in person.


The day when I can see your smile
Hear you voice and wrap my arms around you
In the warmest embrace. 

Maybe....just maybe

The little girl 
That resides inside of me 
Can finally grow up. 



I can still feel you near
So I'll smile
With every tear I cry....




Wherever you are
Whatever you're doing
I want to wish you a


Happy 34th Born Day!


Love always,
Your Little
Sister.


Toya-Bean.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Metempsychosis



Last
Year's
Past

I walked into a salon and told a beautician:

Can you cut 
ALL
 My hair off?

The instance 
Said words were spoken
I was greeted by several looks of


 Abstruseness 

Having to reassure
 I wasn't referring to a trim
Nor the desire for it to be curled or styled

Simply.....Cut....It....Off

Awaiting
 The
Irreversible


I overheard someone whisper

She probably just  broke up with her man
And wants a
"New look"

But BALD?!?!


Despite
The stylists 
Dismay


Amid


A Lion's Den of speculation
Riddled
With obtrude laughter


I went forth with my demand 


Within an hours time
What was once upon my head
Was placed



 In the palm of my hand....

~*October 6, 2010




I retrogressed infancy
Through the eradication of my
Hair follicles 


As with various stages in life


To grow
Is
Pain...


This is the first time
I willingly
Inflicted it on


Myself


The Journey Beings



During the first days/weeks on this path
Countless individuals asked me
WHY?!?!


Some would gawk at my head 
While those who felt inclined 
To touch my scalp

Would either cringe
Shake their head 
Or looked at me disgustedly 


I truly wasn't prepared
For the aforementioned
 Onslaught

 Certain persons stopped speaking to me
While  others avoided me in public
Embarrassed by my emergence


If I were to state: the reactions I received
From family & friends didn't make me self conscious
 Would be deceitful


Within 30-90 days of my decision


I was introduced 
To an aspect of my nature
Previously latent

Encumbered 

Striving to surpass
 The shallowness 
Of my ego 

It was imperative to delve beneath 
What I felt 
In the presence of others

 Finding the source 
That made me uncomfortably aware 
Of another's gaze

Ironically

It made the concept
Of a song
Frequently heard

Conceivable
By way of
 Endurance




Does the way I wear my hair 
Make me a better person?


Does the way I wear my hair 
Make me a better friend?


Does the way I wear my hair 
Determine my integrity?


I am expressing my creativity...




Intrinsically 
I am in tune 
With the depths of my being

Extrinsically
 I had to assimilate how I'm depicted
By the eye

 Unseen

Scrutinizing
Polar
Entities


I accessed understanding 
Of
The Sameness

Manipulated appearance(s)
The world deems
 Attractiveness 


Attesting 
 The differences of
Replication


 Inadvertently
Damaged
Deterrent

Cultivation....


In the process of my realization
Of painstakingly generational
Domestication

I was born again:

Seeing my outwardly reflection for the first time
Returning to a congenital state
Such as the date light first greeted my eyes

In innocence I cried


Bequest an unknown world
Breathing the breath of life's possibilities
And lessons learned through peril


 Indoctrinated to monstrosity
Immeasurable philosophies
Duplicitous monotony


Reciprocally

A revolutionary spirit
Spewing information
 Known to pierce


Betwixt
Reciprocity
Telling other's of their ancestral history


Edification - Awakening - Elevation
 Precedence towards
The affirmation:

Know Thyself


October sixth, two thousand ten
Signifies my
Rebirth


The demise of being a contradiction
Of my words
via my mane...


Exemplifying my stance
I'll reverberate the words
I used to begin:


As with various stages in life


To grow
Is 
Pain...


This is the first time
I willingly
Inflicted it on 


Myself:


Undeniable 


Maturation


Physical - Mental - Spiritual


Manifestation


Coily kinks
Are the paint
My hair is the canvas



I  am deprogrammed

© LaToya S. C.





 Indigenous...
 Not what the main stream
 Image is







Natural Hair
Is My
Heritage


***

Dedicated to :

Monique C.

Through your  silence, which is your strength
You've inspired me to collectively
Embrace self

 THANK YOU!


P.ositive E.nergy A.ctivates C.onstant E.levation