Throughout my equivocal odyssey
Of inquisitiveness
I've witnessed:
Commonplace
Enthrall
Dissemination
Life
Configure
Daily adaptation
Where
Your attitude towards
Another can become
Captivating
Abstraction
Counteractive - Counterproductive
Reverberating
Erratic
Emotions
The power
Of
Spoken word
Deafening
Silence
Language of the unheard
Obliterate
What past experience(s)
Bestowed
Movement, which is growth
Essential
To elevation
Yet
The solidity of roots deeply grounded
Entail a solid foundation.
Forms of expression
Can be seen as
Rhetoric or prose
Still, I take the time to repeat
What for some have been forgotten
And the others
Unknown.....
© LaToya S. C.
Unknown.....
© LaToya S. C.
*****
I wrote the construct above, today
What lies beneath was written
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The other day someone asked me what my favorite
book was. I thought to myself, with all the books I’ve read, how could I
possibly have a favorite one? Therefor I
responded:
“I don’t
know"
Whenever
I don’t know something, I go on a quest to obtain a feasible answer. To be asked “what is your favorite
book?” isn't unique but rather quizzical; because I was the only one with the
answer. Therefore, I set off, on an exploration, within my
being.
For
some odd reason, as I was thinking, various quotes kept popping into my
head. Everyone who knows me,
knows I have a quote for everything. Whenever I’m trying to prove a point, give
a concrete example, or at a loss for words. I’ll simply recite a quote. Although
I found my thought process peculiar, (Why am I thinking about quotes instead of
books??) I embraced it. The following quote came to
mind:
“The Wisdom Of The Wise, And The Experience Of
Ages, May Be Preserved By Quotations”
Once
my mind came to that quote, it kept echoing in my mind. I knew this quote would
lead me to the answer I sought. As I heard these words in my mind, my eyes went
to my bookshelf. As my eyes scanned the books I have, I stopped when I reached
“Letters To A Young Poet”. I laughed to myself, because I always thought of this
particular book, as a gigantic quote.
“ We must embrace
struggle.
Every living thing conforms to
it.
Everything in nature grows and
struggles
In its own way, establishing its own
identity.
insisting on it at all cost, against all
resistance. “
Rome
14 May
1904
” Do not allow yourself to be confused in your
aloneness by the something within you that wishes to be released from it. This
very wish, if you will calmly and deliberately use it as a tool, will help to
expand your solitude into far distant realms. People have, with the help of so
many conventions, resolved everything the easy way, on the easiest side of easy.
But it is clear that we must embrace struggle. Everything in nature grows and
struggles in its own way, establishing its own identity, insisting on it at all
cost, against all resistance. We can be sure of very little, but the need to
court struggle is a surety that will not leave us. It is good to be lonely, for
being alone is not easy. The fact that something is difficult must be one more
reason to do it.
To love is also good, for love is difficult.
For one human being to love another is perhaps the most difficult task of all,
the epitome, the ultimate test. It is that striving for which all other striving
is merely preparation. For that reason young people – who are beginners in
everything – cannot yet love; they don’t know how to love. They must learn it.
With their whole being, with all strengths enveloping their lonely, disquieted
heart, they must learn to love – even while their heartbeat is quickening.
However, the process of learning always involves time set aside for solitude.
Thus to love constantly and far into a lifespan is indeed aloneness, heightened
and deepened aloneness for one who
loves.
Love does not at first have anything to do with
arousal, surrender, and uniting with another being – for what union can be built
upon uncertainty, immaturity, and lack of coherence? Love is a high inducement
for individuals to ripen, to strive to mature in the inner self. To manifest
maturity in the outer world, to become that manifestation for the sake of
another. This is a great task; calls one to expand one’s horizon greatly. Only
in this sense, as the task to work on themselves, day and night, and to listen,
ought young people use the love granted to them. Openings one’s self, and
surrendering, and every kind of communion are not for them yet; they must for a
very, very long time gather and harbor experience. It is the final goal, perhaps
one which human being as yet hardly ever seek to
attain.
Young people often err, and that intensely so,
in this way, since it is their nature to be impatient: They throw themselves at
each other when love comes upon them. They fragment themselves, just as they
are, in all of their disarray and confusion. But what is to follow? What should
fate do if this takes root, this heap of half-broken things that they call
togetherness and that they would like to call their
happiness?
What of their future? Everyone loses himself for
the sake of the other and loses the other and many others that would yet have
wished to come. They lose perspective and limit opportunities. They exchange the softly advancing
and retreating of gentle premonitions of the spirit for an unfruitful
restlessness. Nothing can come of it; nothing, that is, but disappointment,
poverty, and escape into one of the many conventions that have been put up in
great numbers, like public shelters, on this most dangerous road. No area of
human experience is provided with as many conventions as this one: there are
flotation devices of the most unusual sort; there are boats and life belts.
Society has known how to create every kind of refuge conceivable. Since it is
inclined to perceive love life as entertainment, it needs to display it as
easily available, inexpensive, safe, and reliable, just like common public
entertainment.
It is true that many young people who do not
love rightly, who simply surrender themselves and leave no room for aloneness,
experience the depressing feeling of failure. They would, in their own personal
way, like to turn the condition in which they find themselves into something
meaningful and fruitful. Their nature tells them that questions of love can be
solved even less easily than everything else usually considered important, and
certainly not publicly or by this or that agreement. Questions of love are
personal, intimate questions, from one person to another, that in every case
require a new, a special, and an exclusively personal answer. But then, having
already thrown themselves together, having set no boundaries between each other,
and being no longer able to differentiate, they no longer process anything of
their own. How can they on their own find the escape route that they have
already blocked to that inner solitude?
They act from a source of mutual helplessness.
If, with the best intentions, they wish to avoid the convention that is
approaching them (marriage, for example) they find themselves in the clutches of
another conventional solution, one less obvious, but just as deadly. Everything
surrounding them, spread wide about them, is – convention. There, where a dull
mutuality, premature established, is the basis for living, every action is
conventional. Every situation
leading to such confusion has its convention, but it ever so unusual, that is,
in the ordinary sense, immoral. Yes, even separation would be a conventional
step, an impersonal, coincidental decision, a weak and fruitless decision.
Whoever will seriously consider the question of love will find that, as with the
question of death, difficult as it is, there is no enlightened answer, no
solution, not the hint of a path has yet been found. And for these two deep
concerns that we carry safely disguised within us and that we pass on
unresolved, for them no comforting principle will be learned, none finding
general agreement.
But to the same degree that we as individuals
begin to explore life, to that degree shall these deep things surface for each
of us in greater intimacy. The responsibility that the difficult work of love
demands our evolvement overwhelms us; it is larger than life. We, as yet
beginners, are not equal to it. If we preserve after all, and take this love
upon us, accepting it as a burden and a time of training, instead of losing
ourselves to the frivolous and careless game behind which people have hidden
themselves, not willing to face the most serious question of their being – then
perhaps shall a small bit of progress be perceptible as well as some relief for
those to come after us. That would be a great deal.
We are just now reaching the point where we can
observe objectively and without judgment the relationship of one individual to a
second one. Our attempts to live such a relationship are without a model. Yet,
there already exist within our time frame some things intended to help our
faint-hearted beginner’s steps. The girl and the woman in their own new
unfolding will only temporarily be imitators of male incivilities, of men’s
ways, and repeaters of men’s careers. After the insecurity of this transition
has passed, it will be shown that woman, through their wealth of (often
ridiculous) disguises and many changes, have continued their quest only in order
to purify their own beings of the distorting influences of the other sex. The
woman, within whom life dwells in a more direct, fruitful and trusting way,
must, after all, have become basically more mature, more human than the man. For
he is easily pulled down by the weight of lack of physical fruitfulness, pulled
down under the surface of life; he professes to love that which he arrogantly
and rashly underrates.
The simple humanity of woman, brought about
through pain and abasement, shall then come to light when the convention of her
ultra-feminism will have been stripped off, transforming her status in the
world. The men, who today cannot yet feel it coming, shall be surprised and
defeated by it. One day (in northern countries trustworthy signs can already
been seen and heard), the girl and the woman shall exist with her name no longer
contrasted to the masculine; it shall have a meaning in itself. It shall not
bring to mind complement or limitation – only life and being: the feminine human
being.
This progress shall transform the experience of
love, presently full of error, opposed at first by men, who have been overtaken
in their progress by women. It shall thoroughly change the love experience to
rebuilding of a relationships meant to be between two persons, no longer just
between man and woman. And this is more human love will be consummated,
endlessly considerate and gentle, good
and clear in its bonding and releasing; it shall resemble that love for which we
must prepare painstakingly and with fervor, which will be comprised of two
lonelinesses protecting one another, setting limits, and acknowledging one
another.
And one more thing: Do not believe that this
idea of great love, which when you were a boy, was imposed upon you, has been
lost. Can you not say that since then great and good wishes have ripened within
you, and resolutions too, by which you live today? I believe that this idea of
love remains so strong and mighty in your memory because it was your first deep
experience of aloneness and the first inner work that you have done on your
life. “
~*Rainer
Maria Rilke
*SMILING*
As
I’ve stated, this entire letter is a beautiful quote.
It
speaks of and to me,
On
various many levels.
Which
conveys
My preference of solitude
And time spent with self.
Whenever
I’m consumed with the thoughts in my mind.
Whenever
I’m observing my surroundings.
Whenever
I read or write.
As I
live life, re/discovering who I am as a person.
My
likes, dislikes, hopes, goals, and aspirations.
My joy, fear, pain, sadness,
happiness, and inspiration.
What I
love or simply enjoy doing.
To be
alone, is when I am truly free.
Whenever
someone asks me why aren’t you in a relationship? Or when someone tells me who
broke your heart? I wish I could recite this entire letter to them (although
it’s likely, they'll still fail to comprehend). Whenever I tell someone “I was
born alone and I’ll die alone. I’m single until my demise” they always take it
negatively, as I’m sure whoever else will assume the
same.
I
believe two weeks ago
I told
the above statement to someone.
In
return he recited lyrics from the following:
I kick my thoughts alone, get
remanded
Born Alone, Die Alone. No Crew To Keep
My Crown Or Throne
I'm deep by sound alone, caved inside a thousand miles from home.....
I'm deep by sound alone, caved inside a thousand miles from home.....
I
responded:
TRUE INDEED
TRUE INDEED
(One of
the reason’s, I’ve always loved Nas)
If I meet
an individual, that can offer me balance..... I'll cross that bridge when I come
to it. At 27 years old (Today I'm 30) the world is mine to discover until my
demise. All in which I do in life, is done so alone. I place no one above
myself. Nor do I place
importance or emphasis on outside entities.
It seems so many people around me focus
on everything, but self. They selfishly chase, lie and manipulate others at
will; for the sake of companionship. In the presence of jealousy,
incompatibility, envy, hatred, corruption, instability, deception, emotional and
physical abuse. Whether it is
a friendship, relationship, marriage etc. Is willfully endured, to ensure a
person isn’t alone……..
I’ll
end
How I
began.
“The
other day someone asked me what my favorite book was. I thought to myself, with
all the books I’ve read, how could I possibly have a favorite one?”
Although
the quotation I gave from Rainer Maria Rilke’s “Letter To A Young Poet” was
rather long… it isn’t my
favorite book.
The
excerpt from “The 7th Letter” is one of my favorite passages, from
anything I’ve ever read. It speaks of who I am as a person and what in my
opinion a lot of people have yet to realize.
While
you explore life, as you live, learn and evolve. No one should ever settle, or
deprive themselves of happiness for another/others. If something comes across
your path worth having, embrace it.
In the
meantime, love yourself.
PEACE
P.ositive E.nergy A.ctivates C.onstant E.levation
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