Excessive Force - The Body Keeps The Score

The photograph below 

is indicative to a specific serinity 

I wanted to be engulfed by

After being on the receiving end

of unwarranted 

excessive force 

Monday - January 6, 2020 - 3:50pm

Bookshop

New York, New York

Despite

how open, peaceful and loving you attempt to be people can only meet you, as deeply as they've met themselves.

Tuesday - January 7, 2020 - 1:46am

MTA NYCT - 86th Street

Brooklyn, New York 

At this moment, as I write these words

 I still cannot gauge if I was being unrealistic towards myself

in regards to what transpired

Or walking around benumbed 

in a state of shock

Making myself believe it was okay to go to work 

Accustomed to pretending 

all was 

well

Albeit my attempt to hide pain

the sight of my appearance 

and the inability to move about normally

couldn't be concealed 

When asked:

Are you 

okay?

I didn't have the strength 

to fight the conditioning of

making up a fable - offering an excuse

Truth

was embraced 

instead of a lie 

To protect another's misdeeds

The look on the faces of my coworkers 

As I rehashed being body slammed to the ground

in the presence of bystanders 

Who used 

their cellphones 

to record manhandling 

was followed by glances of concern

When asked/told:

why didn't you go to the hospital?

You shouldn't be here right now!

I tried to assure 

what I deem to be 

prying eyes 

Making me feel uncomfortable 

under their gaze,

that I was fine

 My sentiments 

weren't reciprocated

and I was told to sit down and relax...

It's unfortunate 

when one endures a lifetime of abuse

being ignored is preferred as opposed to attention

 Not used to individuals taking notice

I sat thinking 

of a premeditated explanation 

Just in case tomorrow 

if asked AGAIN

I would have a better prepared response

I kept my 

"I'm Okay" -"I'm Fine"

charade going for about 
2 weeks 

Until my body took over and said:

 NO

YOU ARE NOT 

OKAY or FINE! 

My body shut down on me 

and I had to take the same amount of time to recuperate

as I did presenting all to be well. 

2 weeks

January 27, 2020

I reenacted the scene of excessive force

to heal myself/rewire my body. 

In order to overcome
trauma/pain 
One must return 

To the place that caused it.

First, I walked over to the wall I was sitting up against 

to charge my cellphone

as I sat on the ground. 

I was told to get up & move elsewhere.   

Next, I waked over to the the area of the ground 

in which excessive force was used 

unnecessarily.  

I placed my hand on the ground I was slammed down against 

& heard myself being yelled at in my mind: get up!

How is it possible to get up off the ground 

with your hands behind your back

as you're literally behind shoved into it?

As the scene escalated

I envisioned the circle that was formed around my body 

as I lay faced down on the ground 

to prevent bystanders from recording 

what occurred  in their presence. 

Last, but certainly not least  (this tactic was used

 to embed humiliation/shame inside of me, 

as if I were a disobedient child placed on time out). 

I faced the triangular corner in the elevator

I was made to stand in with my hands behind my back

in overly tightened handcuffs 

slicing into my skin.

The aforementioned 
was action taken

in real space and time

An intangible visualization 
via photography

to show me my experiences are real

And let no one 
rewrite or diminish 

what transpired

In a passage above I wrote

I was conditioned through years off abuse

to conceal my own pain

To heal effectively 

one has to put in 
various forms of 

Effort 

Towards 
The

reclaiming of:

Mind/Body/Spirit

From thieves 

of life 

and joy

Granting
internal
liberation

© LaToya S. C.

American 

You Need 
A 
Miracle

Beyond Spiritual

I Need A 
Realer
View

I Hold A
Mirror To
It

These Ain't New 
Problems
They Just Old Ways...

Never Be 

A Victim Of Life;

Be It's Conqueror.